Family strife is horrible for everyone involved, and often spills over into estate planning, with hurled threats of “I’ll cut you out of my will” not uncommon for feuding families. If you find yourself in the unfortunate position of having family conflict lead to estranged loved ones and changes estate plans, know these changes often place everyone in complicated positions for both those disinherited and those not.
The rifts that lead to changed documents don’t begin overnight, and loved ones can nurse long grudges which only come to light after they have passed on. If you are the family member not disinherited, you may feel as though the changed documents are holding you hostage to the whims of an angry parent or grandparent, with one wrong step—an ill-timed comment, perceived slight, or poorly phrased message—landing you on the same chopping block as your sibling. It can also be conflicting if you are name as a trustee or executor. You may feel torn between supporting a beloved sibling and honoring your late family member’s wishes, which you may be legally required to uphold.
Balancing empathy, family dynamics, and legal duties is difficult in any situation. Especially after a parent’s death, disinheritance can create an explosive environment when emotions and tensions rise, where anything has the potential to worsen resentment or even spark litigation. Knowing what to manage alone versus when to involve a professional is part of this delicate balance.
Many Young People Are Counting on an Inheritance
For some, an inheritance feels like a birthright. Many assume part of their financial future comes from family wealth. They may treat it as an anticipated windfall that will provide stability or opportunity. However, the reality of receiving—or not receiving—an inheritance is often much more complicated.
Expectation Gap Between Parents and Children
A 2025 Northwestern Mutual study found 20 percent of adult children expect to receive an inheritance,[1] with an average of nearly $335,000 according to a Choice Mutual survey.[2] More than half view the expected inheritance as “critical” to long-term financial security.[3] Nearly half of younger adults (ages 18–27) rely on parental financial help, often lack savings, and delay milestones like homeownership or investing.[4] Despite these expectations, only 31 percent of Americans plan to leave an inheritance.[5]
Of the younger adults who expect an inheritance, most say they would save or invest the money. Others say they plan to use it for housing costs, debt repayment, or support for their own children.[6] These expectations shape financial behavior in measurable ways:
- One in 6 reports feeling less stress due to an anticipated inheritance.
- One in 12 reports feeling less pressure to earn income now.
- One in 10 reports carrying more debt because of an assumption that a future inheritance will cover it.[7]
These expectations are not merely wishful thinking. Sixty-one percent say they have either spoken directly with their parents about an expected inheritance or have seen their parents’ will or trust.[8]
What It Means to Legally Disinherit Someone and Why a Child Might Be Disinherited
The shock of disinheritance is magnified when expectations do not match reality and the anticipated inheritance never materializes. Given how many young adults rely on the idea of a future inheritance, being cut out can feel like a financial and emotional double gut punch.
When Expectations Collide with Reality
More than half of young adults surveyed by Choice Mutual believe they will one day be financially responsible for caring for aging parents.[9] Many may view an inheritance as part of the “deal” or a tradeoff for that support. However, adult children are not legally entitled to an inheritance. An inheritance is a gift, not a right. Unlike spouses or minor children, adult children generally have no automatic claim to their parents’ estate.
A parent may disinherit an adult child for almost any reason, as long as the decision is voluntary, made with full mental capacity, and formalized with legally valid documents.
Common Reasons Parents Disinherit a Child
- Estrangement or long-term conflict
- Concerns about substance abuse or financial irresponsibility
- Perceived fairness due to substantial lifetime gifts
- Blended family dynamics and competing obligations
- Deep moral or value-based disagreements
- A desire to protect assets through trusts for some children but not others
The decision to disinherit a child is often rooted in complex family history and is rarely simple or purely punitive. A parent does not need to give a reason, but simply omitting a child is usually not enough. The estate plan must clearly state the child is intentionally excluded. Otherwise, the child may claim the omission was accidental or inherit under state intestacy rules if no plan exists.
Even when legal requirements are met, careful planning may not protect siblings from emotional, relational, or potential legal fallout that can follow.
Emotional, Moral, and (Sometimes) Legal Challenges for Inheriting Siblings
When a parent disinherits a child, the impact rarely affects only the child who was cut out. It can reshape the entire family dynamic, placing remaining siblings—especially those receiving an inheritance—in a uniquely complicated position.
If you are in this position, you may feel torn between compassion for your sibling and respect for your parent’s autonomy. If you are a fiduciary (executor or trustee), the tension becomes legal as well as emotional. A fiduciary must act solely in the best legal and financial interest of the estate or trust beneficiaries while following the parent’s written instructions.
Fiduciaries Versus Nonfiduciaries
- If you are a fiduciary, you must carry out the estate plan exactly as written, even if the decisions are painful, controversial, or create conflict. Your role is to follow your parent’s written intent, not interpret or soften it. In families with a disinherited sibling, every email, document, and distribution may be closely scrutinized.
- Even if you are not a fiduciary, you may be drawn into emotional crossfire, blamed for influencing the parent, or pressured to mediate long-standing grievances.
As executor or trustee, you may have to break the news to the disinherited sibling. As a sibling, you may feel pressure to explain your parent’s decision, reassure them you were not involved, or soften the sting where possible. To avoid this responsibility, many estate planners are encouraging, if not requiring, parents who are disinheriting a child to put their reasoning in a writing, such as a letter. This letter is usually stored with the estate plan and can be produced by either the attorney or other fiduciary, and remove some of the pressure on non-disinherited family members.
Transparency Versus Caution
Some families favor transparency. Discussing the disinheritance while the parent is alive can reduce shock and show the decision was voluntary. This may also serve as helpful evidence if a sibling contests the estate plan. It is usually wise for parents to notify appointed executors and trustees ahead of time so they can prepare for issues and understand the reasoning.
However, early disclosure has real risks. It can ignite resentment, invite pressure to change the plan, or trigger accusations of undue influence. When conflict exists, advance disclosure can escalate tensions long before the estate is administered.
Many families choose strategic, limited disclosure—informing fiduciaries and professionals while saving broader explanations for later or documenting them instead.
The Importance of Clear and Updated Estate Planning Documents
Families often avoid discussing disinheritance to prevent conflict, but this can create confusion and disputes later. As a sibling included in the estate plan—especially as a fiduciary—you can help your parent create clear, updated documents and maintain evidence of intent, capacity, and independent decision-making. This reduces uncertainty and strengthens the estate against challenges.
- Use clear language. Disinheritance must be explicit. Naming the child and documenting the decision prevents claims of accidental omission.
- No-contest clauses. These can deter challenges by reducing a beneficiary’s share if they sue, though enforceability varies by state.
- Align beneficiary designations. Update life insurance, retirement, and payable-on-death accounts to match the estate plan.
- Letters of intent and contemporaneous records. Personal statements, attorney notes, and medical evaluations show decisions were deliberate and made with capacity.
- Ethical wills and legacy letters. These preserve values and help children process emotional impacts.
Keep the plan current. Review every three to five years or after major life events to avoid accidental rights or disputes.
Alternatives to Disinheritance
Disinheritance is not a binary choice. Estate planning offers ways to protect assets, express values, and set boundaries without completely severing ties.
- Conditional or incentive trusts. Rather than leaving assets outright to children, parents can place a child’s inheritance in a trust with specific conditions. Distributions might depend on the child meeting milestones such as reaching a certain age, maintaining sobriety, holding steady employment, or completing their education.
- Lifetime gifts or gradual transfers. A parent may prefer to provide modest financial support during life (g., helping with rent or medical bills) while directing the bulk of an inheritance elsewhere.
- Partial or restricted bequests. Instead of complete exclusion, parents might allocate a smaller share to the child through a restricted trust or professional trustee arrangement, helping to maintain a sense of fairness among siblings while protecting assets from mismanagement, creditors, or poor spending choices.
- Gifting to grandchildren or other heirs. Another way to preserve a family legacy is to skip a generation and leave assets directly to grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or other relatives instead of the disinherited child. This way, family wealth can support younger generations and also respect the parent’s decision to limit direct inheritance to a particular child.
- Charitable giving in lieu of full inheritance. Parents guided by specific causes or values can direct part of the estate to charitable organizations to create a lasting impact, but they may want to communicate to their loved ones the why behind the decision. Adding a personal letter or statement of intent can help surviving family members understand that this choice reflects deeply held beliefs, not retribution.
We are Here to Help!
Ultimately, your role as an inheriting sibling is not to decide what your parent wants but to help ensure that whatever they decide is legally sound, voluntary, and clearly documented. That could entail nudging them toward an estate planning attorney, encouraging objective evaluations (such as capacity assessments), or helping them build a paper trail that demonstrates their independence. It may also mean discussing whether you should serve as executor or trustee at all; in many families, appointing a neutral professional or corporate fiduciary can reduce conflict and spare siblings from being placed in an impossible role.
You may be unable to avoid getting caught in the middle. However, you can help everyone affected by a disinheritance decision by seeking legal guidance that protects intentions, assets, and feelings—and by ensuring that the administration is handled in the way least likely to further fracture the family. Nielsen Law PLLC Provides family-focused estate and business planning to individuals and families in Austin, Round Rock, Cedar Park, and the Central Texas area. For more information, and to learn about our firm, please contact us to learn how.
[1] Intentions Rise, Expectations Fall: The Number of Americans Planning to Leave an Inheritance Goes Up as the Number Expecting to Receive One Goes Down Finds Northwestern Mutual’s 2025 Planning & Progress Study, Nw. Mut. (July 8, 2025), https://news.northwesternmutual.com/2025-07-08-Intentions-Rise,-Expectations-Fall-The-Number-of-Americans-Planning-to-Leave-an-Inheritance-Goes-Up-as-the-Number-Expecting-to-Receive-One-Goes-Down-Finds-Northwestern-Mutuals-2025-Planning-Progress-Study.
[2] Anthony Martin, 66% of Young Americans Expect to Benefit from Great Wealth Transfer, Choice Mut. (Aug. 19, 2025), https://choicemutual.com/blog/great-wealth-transfer.
[3] Intentions Rise, Expectations Fall, supra note 1.
[4] Makailah Gause, Gen Z Consumers Rely on Parents Amid Inflation Squeeze, Reuters (July 10, 2024), https://www.reuters.com/markets/us/gen-z-consumers-us-rely-parents-inflation-squeezes-budgets-study-shows-2024-07-10.
[5] Intentions Rise, Expectations Fall, supra note 1.
[6] Martin, supra note 2.
[7] Id.
[8] Id.
[9] Id.
